Harlequin Granger
by firefly81
Summary: Hermione Granger is a passionate woman, but where her passions lie might surprise you.


Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.

Thanks to erbkaiser, my fellow Magpie, for looking this over for me.

Written for Round 9 of the Quidditch League FanFiction Competition. Go Magpies!

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If you asked her closest friends what Hermione Granger's passion was they would tell you she had many. Learning, libraries, and fighting for equal rights would be among that list. Indeed, if you asked Hermione herself about her passion, she would most likely tell you the same thing. And while it wasn't necessarily a lie, per se, it wasn't exactly the truth either. She _was_ passionate about those things, but there was one thing that she was more passionate about than everything else. Something she couldn't dare tell anyone else about, not even Harry or Ron. What was her passion, one might ask, if it wasn't the aforementioned things?

Smutty romance novels.

She, without doubt, loved reading them and she was almost never without one on her person. In fact, she more often than not carried at least one even when she was going to work or bustling down Diagon Alley. This brought about yet another question. If she was always reading these books, how was it that no one had figured out her clandestine passion? Well, she wasn't called the brightest witch of her age for nothing. Not wanting to have to listen to constant ribbing from Harry, Ron, and probably everyone she knew for reading books with gorgeous half naked men on the covers, she developed a charm to hide the cover. So while the outside of a book might appear to be about the history of the school, or read 'House-Elves & Self-Hatred' or 'Theories of Transubstantial Transfiguration', the inside was anything but. She had to admit that she found it a bit odd that neither Harry nor Ron had figured out her secret. Sure, they weren't the most observant wizards, but there really was a limit to how many times someone could read a certain book. In fact, she had even started using the same book titles over and over again to see if they would notice. They never did.

There was one person, however, who was apprehensive of her many books. Theo Nott, her fiancé of two years, had been giving her books a calculating look lately. Harry and Ron may not have noticed her re-occurring book titles, but Theo definitely did. After all, who would possibly want to read 'Advanced Rune Translation' twenty-two times? The answer to that question is no one. No one could ever want to read that book that many times as it had to be the most boring book in creation. After seeing Hermione with that particular book more than once, he started taking more of notice to what she was reading. In the course of two week he noticed her with the following books:

'Magical Theory' – four times.

'Magical Hieroglyphs and Logograms' – five times.

'Death Omens: What to Do When You Know the Worst is Coming' – six times.

It was the last book that really kicked his suspicion into overdrive. It was unheard of that Hermione would read a book on Divination once, let alone _six_ times.

Now, Hermione had gotten smug and overconfident, thinking that since no one had noticed as of yet, they would never figure it out. She didn't stop to think about the fact that her very loving fiancé could possibly be onto her. She also neglected to take into account that Theo was very much a Slytherin who was not only just as intelligent as she was, but also had a talent for being very cunning.

He chose to act one evening after work, waiting until Hermione was comfortable on the couch with a glass of elf made wine in one hand and one of her "books" in the other. She was oblivious to his interest as he sat on the other side of the room, intently watching her, and it was then he shot his wandless, non-verbal spell at her book. He narrowed his eyes as his first attempt failed. A quick look over at Hermione found that she had not noticed a thing. He reconsidered his approach and thought about the least likely thing that Hermione would use as a counter curse. His face brightened considerably as he shot a finite incantatem at her book. It was the simplest solution, after all who would think that someone as intelligent as she was would use the most straightforward counter there was? As the spell hit her book, the cover changed instantly. His eyes widened considerable as he took in the half naked man that had suddenly appeared. He found himself struggling for control to keep from bursting out into laughter.

"What are you reading tonight, Hermione?"

"Hmmm? Oh, just re-reading 'Magical Theory'."

"Is that so?"

"What? Yes, of course it is. Why?"

"Since when does the cover of 'Magical Theory' have a half naked man on the cover?"

"What!?"

Her face was bright red as she shut the book with a loud snap and turned it over to look at the cover. She looked up at him and seeing him barely holding onto his composure, she narrowed her eyes on him in anger.

"What...did...you...do?"

"I just ended your little spell that you like to keep on your books. Really, darling, you might be able to fool those friends of yours, but I am a Slytherin."

"Is that so? Well then, why did it take you three years to figure it out?"

"All right, maybe I only noticed recently, but at least I noticed. Do you actually enjoy reading those things?"

"Well, the secret of happiness is not doing what one loves, but loving what one does. And I do so love reading these books. They really are my passion."

"But they are just mindless reading! What's the point?"

"Just mindless reading? You know that thing I do with my tongue that you love so much?"

His eyes darkened as he was reminded of one of his favorite bedroom activities.

"Of course I know. What does that have to do with these books?"

She said nothing as she flipped quickly through the pages, stopping at page number three hundred and ninety-four. She held the book out for him to see and he quickly read through the page, seeing exactly where she had gotten the idea. Now intrigued, he took the book from her and read through the next few pages. When he stopped and looked up at her, a smirk on his face, she cocked an eyebrow at him. He pointed to a paragraph and leaned down to whisper in her ear, "I think this sounds like it would be fun. Are you up for it?"

She shuddered slightly, shot him a smoldering look, and took off down the hall towards the bedroom. Laughing at her enthusiasm, he tossed the book over his shoulder and followed her.

Much, much later, as they laid together in their bed, she surveyed the pieces of her clothing strewn about the room.

"Was it really necessary to rip my clothes like that?"

"Well, love, they don't call them bodice rippers for nothing."

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Prompts: Character: Hermione Granger, passion.

(2) bustling

(10) "The secret of happiness is not doing what one loves, but loving what one does"

(13) No using the word 'Hogwarts'


End file.
